stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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