I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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