shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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