took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
