I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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