thus making me awesome and them whores
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
