I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
