May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
