mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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