not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
