no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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