I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
