yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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