I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
