i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
