My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
