Will you blow on my dice?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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