Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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