Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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