omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
