Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
