she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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