hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
