You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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