She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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