someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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