You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
