Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

Fav 36 6325 1970
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(443): View more from Maryland

Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?

Fav 7 3258 1314
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(847): View more from Illinois

Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

Fav 31 9358 1965
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(575): View more from New Mexico

So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?

Fav 17 6105 1260
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...

Fav 2 2105 1332
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.

Fav 40 1369 6916
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.

Fav 2 969 603
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(561): View more from Florida

P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex

Fav 3 789 413
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(804): View more from Virginia

I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.

Fav 0 15 39
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