Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
