Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
