Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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