gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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