This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
