woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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