I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
