im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
