quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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