he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
