New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
