well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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