you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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