You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize