He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
