we're blogging at a bar
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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