Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
