No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
