Kiss
Puke
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
