The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
