she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
