Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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