Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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