Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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