he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize