He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
