I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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