At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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