Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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