oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
