I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
