i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
