i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
