God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
