I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize