I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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