i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
