Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
