last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
