You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
