I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
