Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
